A little more than three years ago I sat on a hospital bed, morning sunlight streaming through the window and my newborn daughter swaddled in my lap. After her overnight stay in the NICU and the wealth of warm visitors, we were blissfully alone for the first time.
There are so many things that are a blur about those early days, but I will NEVER forget my thoughts & emotions that morning. The one that I keep coming back to in my mind is the humbling awareness of the significance of what was taking place. This most beautiful, most precious, sweetly breathing tiny person had been entrusted to me. ME. The disbelief and awe still washes over me in hot tears.
The concept and sensation of grace had never been more tangible. THIS was grace. Yes, grace in the definition of new life as a thing of inexplicable beauty, but mostly grace in the sense of unmerited favor. I was completely humbled and literally brought to my knees with both the blessing of her arrival and the weight of such awesome responsibility.
What could I possibly have done to deserve the gift of her life? What could I possibly have done to prove myself a person worthy to care for her? Nothing. Plain and simple. Unmerited. Grace by definition is not earned.
I also had an instantaneous awareness of the grace that was going to be necessary to move forward from that moment. There was no way I was capable of this “mommy gig” on my own. I knew in the deepest part of my soul that I would need to rely heavily on the grace of others. My husband, my extended family members, my friends, but most of all the grace of this child and the grace of the Lord who had entrusted her to me.
I breathed that most difficult, but completely necessary mother’s prayer- “I know she is Yours. I know I can’t do this alone. Please help me.”
I rely daily on this new kind of grace. Some “mommying grace”. I pray you experience it in your life as well.